


Someday You're Going to Figure That Out

by auchterlonie



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, Feels, Gen, Shaw's POV (narrative), What went through Shaw's mind while captured, does Shaw have feels?, implied Root/Shaw, post episode 4x11 (If-Then-Else)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:39:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3187568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auchterlonie/pseuds/auchterlonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for episode 4x11 (If-Then-Else).<br/>Shaw tells what ran through her mind while captured. Maybe a late night conversation (maybe said aloud or not) once home and reunited. Maybe...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someday You're Going to Figure That Out

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for episode 4x11 (If-Then-Else)

Funny things run through your mind when you can no longer move. I don't mean like when you're restrained - a _lot_ of things run through your mind when you're restrained and almost none of them are funny - but rather when your body is so broken that you no longer even _want_ it to move. When you finally accept that the pain is never going to go away and that your strength is never going to return. When you let your body collapse in on itself because just the idea of holding its own shape seems like too much to ask of it. When you know your time has come.

That's when a lot of very funny things run through your mind.

Or at least through my mind. I've never understood what runs through other people's minds, so I probably shouldn't claim to now. I bet at his end, Reese will go all noble warrior on us -no regrets, just content to take as many of them with him as he can - a good, clean death. Harold will probably be the opposite. I bet he'll go out with nothing _but_ regrets, ignoring all the good he's done and only seeing the things he didn't get to do. Sometimes he's too smart for his own good; he plans too far ahead. A mind like that is only ever going to disappoint itself. That's probably why I like him so much.

But me? Lying there on the floor, waiting for Samaritan's people to reach the same conclusion I had, I wasn't thinking about death or regrets or anything I probably should have been. No, I found myself thinking about all the things you and Reese were going to do to them... and that made me smile.

I probably shouldn't have done it; smiling always leads to more questions and Samaritan's people only know one way to ask, but honestly, I didn't care anymore. It was just too damn good a picture.

I imagined that Harold would try to talk sense into you - convince you that you needed intel and a plan - but then I imagined you already had one and it probably involved that rocket we'd been saving.

I wondered if you would let Harold hold you back or if you would go all in. Would you attack Samaritan directly with some kind of computer thing you nerds always have up your sleeves or would you go after its people? I had a feeling which it would be and so I started to wonder about all the things you were going to do to Control...

But then, I started to wonder about just how far you might go to find me and... I stopped smiling. I'd made my choice and my time in this fight was done. Reese could always find another partner if he wanted one - no one as good as me, of course, but there was probably some competent idiot out there begging for redemption. Maybe Grice.

But you... there was too much riding on you to risk so stupidly for me. Your fight was far from over.

I imagined the voice in your head was telling you that and I really hoped I wouldn't be the reason you started to ignore it. That wouldn't help anyone and that would mean all of this had been for nothing; that Samaritan had won.

So, then I started to hope you wouldn't come looking for me. I hoped you thought I was already dead. I hoped I'd _be_ dead shortly.

Like I said, funny things.

But then I remembered something Fusco said. He said, "you know the dog's the only one that likes you, right?"

Good old Lionel. You know, for a guy with a lot of places to be, he always manages to be there when I need him, even this time in my head. It made me appreciate the whole voice-in-your-head-thing because this one was reminding me that I'd promised Bear I'd be back.

And that the reason I don't have any regrets is because I don't break my promises.

So, I decided it wasn't my time after all and that I needed to start thinking about what it would take to get out of there. I didn't calculate the possibilities or whatever like Harold might have - I didn't need to. Looking around me, I knew it would take nothing less than a four-alarm fire in a oil refinery... and that maybe that _did_ sound pretty cozy.

I started to hope you could hear my voice in your head, too. But that was just another funny thought, wasn't it?

Because of course you could.

 


End file.
